If God is who we say he is...

then I wouldn't have such a beef with so many aspects of the faith that I pretend to practice. I don't want you, the reader, to assume that I'm some sort of atheist or anything along those lines; It's just that I have a lot of beef with the Christianity that people are trying to convince me is right.

Prelude
I haven't been to church, actively, for probably close to a year. Once I finished my internship at House of Freedom, I went for a little while longer, and then left. I dropped out of the church scene, because it had lost its luster. People didn't seem the same as when I had started, etc (ask if you want to know the details), and it wasn't where I wanted to be. I was learning about the history of the faith and all of that stuff in school, and it was beginning to get really fuzzy for me. Then, last semester I took a post-modern thought class, and I read some Nietzsche, which muddied everything even more. However, I tried to reconcile my faith by writing a paper about the benefits of a Christian being open to the thoughts of an atheistic thinker. It turned out alright, but it still left a lot of questions. So, I stopped trying to figure it out... Until one day I got the urge to go back to church in order to try to find a focal point in order to recenter myself so that I could properly seek out the appropriate path for my life. This is where a lot of problems came up, and thanks to some "arguments" with an old pastor of mine, I have been really timid in trying to find a church. This is because I have a beef with The Holy Bible...*Doomy sound*

My Beef With The Bible
Now, I understand the argument that The Bible is the basis for truth for the Christian Faith, but also the Judaic traditions in the same regard. However, it was transcribed by men under the influence of God, and then translated into 100's of languages in the present day so that everybody can share in the wealth of the word of God. That's fine, but my question is, "How can you be sure it's the objective word of God?" To me, there is no way to fully trust that The Bible (pick your english translation), is actually what it's supposed to say. Taking that into consideration, there could be a lot of problems with a lot of belief systems found in our churches. Operating under the assumption that a book is the inerrant word of a perfect deity is a bit far-fetched to me. Like I said it was written by man, and then further manipulated by man, who is a sinner, to fit the needs of the people at home. If the god of the bible was what we say he is, then there would be no need to have a book: all powerful, all knowing, everywhere. Where is his power and presence when people are reading this book? Sure, his spirit could be ressonating from the pages that Joe Schmo wrote down the block, but is it really? Sure they call it faith, and that's what it takes to believe that reading one particular book brings you closer to God. Even though, this power of the spirit is great, but where is the personal experiences today? There are accounts in the New Testament that say that once Jesus was resurrected from the grave, he appeared to disciples and those in the cities (hundreds of sightings)--not anymore. Sure, there is the story of the holy spirit descending upon the people at Pentecost, but what good is a ghost? Sure, the holy spirit is called the comforter, but there is only so much comforting a spirit can do... why can't we have the presence of Jesus, the humanoid ghost appear to us? It doesn't make sense that an all powerful God can't send a more comforting apparition. Sure, you can argue that God's people are there to comfort you, but you're supposed to develop a personal relationship with God, and base that relationship on a man written book... Weird.

I realize that I just ranted for a little while, and it is kind of a diatribe, a lot like Paul's letter to the Romans (a little extra bit for you there). I don't understand why one should base their entire faith on one written book, when if you try to find God in other works you're called a hypocrite or idolater. If you sit and listen to people talking God as if they know God personally, how is that any different than walking through the woods and seeking the face of God yourself? To me there is no difference. It is a personal faith that you have, and if you can increase that faith by sitting in a pew, by reading a book, or working at Burger King, who is anyone to take that away from you? I don't read the bible, because I feel that there are more vibrant places that God resides--words on a page do nothing to me spiritually. However, I was told that The Bible is the basis for truth in seeking out God, but how can you justify that? The words found in that book have been manipulated for centuries, there are over 100 translations, in english alone, today. Jesus wasn't white, and he didn't speak english, so what good does it do? It's a good story, but it doesn't even add up properly: 1) There are two creation narratives in the first 2 chapters of genesis 2) If God is what we say he is, then there is no reason for Adam and Eve to ever mess up 3) Paul wrote a lot of letters, but there are no accounts of people keeping him in check, maybe the Jews got it write, but Paul didn't like it. There are a lot of possibilities for fallicies to be found in The Bible. Sure, you can argue that it's the sinful man who manipulates the book in order to fit his will, and that fits perfectly with Paul messing up the story because he said himself, "I am the greatest sinner of them all." Is it possible that in his search for God, he manipulated the system to make himself feel good about what he was doing? I think so! Maybe Jesus was a role model that was deified to scare people into submitting completely to the power of the church, which lead to the roman papacy controlling most of the world.

So, there are a lot of ways that the bible could do more harm than good... Especially if you idolize the bible as a god. I feel it is one thing to use a book as a tool, and another to use a book as a god. If you were to read the bible as many say "the living word of God," then who are you worshipping: God or the book? I think people need to be really careful in trying to convince people what is right and wrong. There are a lot of areas of the christian faith that don't work for a lot of people, that's they their agnostic and atheists. We have done a disfavor to a lot of people, and we can't even really defend our own faith. If your god is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere, how do you explain the presence of evil, the suffering, the pain, and even the inability to explain the claims of the bible. If the bible is truth, then there should be some objectivity to it, but I find none. The faith is as subjective as the people who believe in it.

Conclusion
Like I said before, I am not an atheist or anything along those lines, I just have problems with some of the aspects of faith. I am unwilling at this point to exclaim that Jesus is lord and savior, so maybe I'm agnostic... I don't know. I believe there is a god, and that we can experience the presence of this god wherever we are. I think limiting God to a deified human expression is not allowing the full power of God to reign. As you read through the bible, keep an eye out for all of the human characteristics that are projected onto the deity, it's like they're worshipping an invisible king, that looks just like them. If we allow God to be God, then there would be far less problems, far fewer wars, and even more happiness. When we limit God to the bible, to our understanding of what God should be, or even projecting ourselves onto God, then we lose out on the power of the deity. You can take from this what you will... I'm willing to talk to anybody about this, but keep in mind you are not going to convince me (right now anyway) to change my mind. I argued for about 45 minutes with an old pastor of mine, and we went in circles the whole time. I am going to seek out a church that will help me on my journey to the face of God, and if I discover (on my terms) that the bible is worthwhile, I will stand corrected... Until then God bless!

-Andy J. Graves