So, it's January 27, 2011. I am sitting in the corner office, listening to a War of Ages mix on youtube, and am having a hard time. Not with anything in particular, but it's hard nonetheless. Here are some of the thoughts that have haunted me for the past week or so...

1. What are you doing with your life? You toy with the idea of getting into ministry, but you aren't really doing a great job at what you're trying to do in Milwaukee. You've set in motion a second year, but you aren't even sure that you really want to do this work. What's the point of going through the motions if you're not passionate about it? What a waste.
   
2. I could just move back home and get a factory job. Sure, I went to school for 4.5 years so I wouldn't have to work in a factory in Marshalltown, Iowa, but at least then I will have a job and I can be close to my family. Who needs passions when you have family?
   
3. There is a difference between showing Jesus and talking/teaching about Jesus. I wasn't brought up in a place where I was shown Jesus on a regular basis: no sunday school, no confirmation, no youth group, just family. I have my family, and yet I have developed this longing to be in a relationship with Jesus. I have studied theology, and can talk about Jesus all day, every day. What makes me think I can be a pastor if I can't show Jesus to people?
   
4. Graduate school is appealing, but what am I doing with my life? I feel led to ministry, but what kind? I'm not good at my job now, so why would I even try to puruse a career in it? That's a waste of time and money.
   
5. Why?

I don't know the point of this, but there it is. It is now written so that I might return to it for further reflection.

-Andy J. Graves