So, this one will hopefully be a little more substantial than the past couple, but then again I never really know what's going to come out when I start laying down words, so here comes something....
The past couple days I have been getting shoved into a world of humility, although I have been stubborn as a mule when taking steps forward--almost to the point of walking backwards (pulling a Jonah if you will). I have been wrestling with humility for my entire life, as many people can relate to I'm sure. It has reared it's ugly head again in the past couple of days; It has gotten to the point where I accused my co-worker of "stealing my thunder," as if I have anything to prove or gain from being involved with the processes and happenings in the world.
It would seem that I'm not satisfied with being a "behind the scenes" person at this particular moment in time. I have gotten a sliver of greed in my eyes and want to expand my kingdom in it. When I have a good idea and other people jump on board to support it, I always feel like they are taking away my shot at glory, at my shot of making a name for myself--it's the ANDY SHOW folks! It's all bullshit! I don't need to prove anything to anybody, I know that I'm awesome and do good work!
So what if people don't think I know what I'm doing? So what if people underestimate my ability to get things done? So what if I never get my name written in the clouds or yelled from on high? It doesn't matter! I know what I'm capable of, I know what my limits are, and I know how to reward myself for a job well done. It's between me and my god!
It is at these moments in time where I get flashes of Jesus hanging on the cross. I get flashes of Jesus riding a donkey into the city during the Palm Sunday celebration. It is at these moments that I remember that I'm less of a blip on the screen of life. I can only hope that one day my efforts will make a minuscule ripple in the small bit of pond I reside in.
Needless to say I have some work to do; some lessons to learn; some people to talk to; and things to remember. I don't do the work I do for myself. As much as I hate to admit it, there is a line our CFO of the organization I work for, that resonates in times like these. It goes something like this, "Is it good for the kids? Is it mission focused?" This being the question she asks herself before taking up a new venture for our organization. If one or neither of these questions can be answered in the affirmative, then it is vetoed straight away.
That's how I live my life. Is it good for the people I'm serving? Does fall in line with the mission I have created for myself? If those are no, then, again, I need to reevaluate my position in the pond.
I realize that this is a short one, but I'm currently not in my normal digs, and I wanted to write something so I stay true to my goal of weekly writing (at least).
So, let it be known that humility is a bitch best served warm--it hurts less when it comes crawling up your back. Walk humbly in the world and you will go far, walk around like an asshole and you'll get the shit beat out of you by the world! Let that be a lesson to those who seek fortune and fame--you're an idiot and should be smote by the God of Thunder himself.
Be well,
Andy J. Graves
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