Pipe Dreams; Failed Dreams!

I realize that there aren't a lot of people who read these posts, which is not why I put them up. I put them up as a spiritual practice (even though I'm not very good at them). I like writing; I like sharing ideas; I like touching the lives of those who don't allow me to know that it happened... it's real for somebody, if not for myself!

Nonetheless, I wanted to take this moment to write some things, share some things, that have come up recently (as in the past 12 hours).

I drove from Des Moines, Iowa to Denver, Colorado yesterday. I spent some time with my friends, had dinner, conversed about life, and had a good time. We went to bed and tried to rest, which takes us to this morning.

I woke up, got ready for the day: breakfast, shower, cleaned up, packed up, and stepped out the front door.

I started my car and we were off towards Chino, California.

The mountains were pretty. The climbs were torture on my car and myself. The weather was variable. It was an intense start to the next leg of my journey... then it hit me.

I was overcome by this intense emotional surge (I got really sad, teared up a little bit, and was yelling at God). This lasted for perhaps a minute, and subsided. I decided that it was probably best to take a minute to collect my thoughts and see what's going on. So, I pulled off the interstate to some state sanctioned nature area, and parked my car.

I got out. Took some pictures. Took some breaths. Decided it was best to turn around.

I wasn't prepared to make the 14.5 hour trek from Denver to Chino, nor the return trip. Needless to say, my friends in Denver were ready to accept me back and give me a place to stay for a little while longer. Plus, my mom was relieved that I had changed my mind as well (I called her at work, after not being able to get a hold of my dad at home [probably sleeping]).

Once I returned to my friends' abode, I decided it would be a good idea to get out and take some pictures for those who are stuck at work. I felt relaxed and at ease with my decision to return rather than make a long trip. I also decided it was best to check on the hotel stuff, since I was not going to be making the trip after all.

So, I called the motel 6 in Chino to see about canceling my reservation, but I found out that it wasn't in the computer--at least that the guy on the phone could find! Anyway...

There is a part of me that is a little disappointed that I didn't make it the trip all the way, however as I was walking around I realized that driving is not my means of communing with God, which was the original thought leading me to want to go on such a long trip.

You see my thought was that in driving such a long trip would allow me to clear my head, talk to God, find some clarity in life. WRONG!

Yes, it would have been the most epic trip I have ever made alone, but it's not the kind of trip that one makes a lone. I should have put more thought into the process of driving such long trips--and remembered that I hate driving long distances. Therefore, I am still in Denver, Colorado. Communing with God.

More to come... probably!

-Andy J. Graves