"The Hunger Zone" A Sunrise Exhanage Group Talk

“The Hunger Zone”

Waterloo Exchange Club

July 11, 2017

Good morning. My name is Andy Graves, and I was invited by Leah Morrison to come speak to you all today about a project that I led at my church, which was the installation of a Little Free Pantry. However, before we get into that, I would like to take a moment to share with you a little bit about myself. That way we’re not completely strangers, and what I have to say will make a little more sense—given a little context. For starters I am new to Waterloo. My wife and I moved here just under a year ago, driven by her acquisition of the lead pastor position at Our Savior’s Lutheran Church, which is located in the Edison Neighborhood (Harwood and Magnolia). Before moving here, I have lived, worked and experienced life in Des Moines, Dubuque, and Marshalltown, Iowa, as well as Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The entire time I was working on figuring out my place in the world of youth and families, from after school programming with the Boys & Girls Clubs to becoming an elementary school teacher (subbing as often as I could—no full time job yet), to leading youth and family programming for an urban church. The entire time I was made painfully aware that there are a lot of injustices in this world, but the one that pained me the most was seeing families go hungry. Food justice has been at the forefront of my community service since seeing the impact that going hungry has on a child’s ability to function in a classroom, socially and even spiritually. However, there is an ever present question that often times doesn’t get asked, which is, “Who are the hungry?” We often see commercials for starving kids in foreign countries and the like, but we don’t really get a good picture of what the hunger landscape looks like in our country, in our cities and even in our neighborhood.

I do not want to bombard you with a lot of statistics, however I do feel as if it is important to get a sense of just how big an issue food security, or insecurity, really is.

According to Feeding America:

·        1 in 6 children may not know where they will get their next meal. For the 13 million kids in the U.S. facing hunger, getting the energy they need to learn and grow can be a day-in, day-out challenge.

·        More than 5 million senior citizens age 60 and older struggle with hunger. 63% of those have to choose between buying groceries or medical supplies/care.

·        2.8 million rural households face hunger

·        42 million people struggle with hunger in the United States, including 13 million children. 5.4 million Seniors don’t have enough to eat.

·        59% of food-insecure households participated in at least one of the major federal food assistance programs

According to the Northeast Iowa Food Bank

·        57% of households have at least one employed member

·        85% of clients have a high school degree or GED and 44% have some sort of post high school education

·        34% are children under age 18

·        10% are seniors age 60 and older

·        48% have incomes that fall at or below the federal poverty line

I realize that this was a lot of numbers and I went through that really quickly, however the point is it’s not an isolated issue. Hunger effects everybody, regardless of age, regardless of location, regardless of employment status. People are hungry, and even though we are one of the largest food producing countries, a lot of those people are our neighbors and loved ones. Our city is no different, if anything Waterloo keeps pace with the national statistics for hunger issues, at least from the information provided by our regional food bank. However, this begs the question, why? Why are so many people hungry in our city, our state, our country? There is plenty of food to go around, and yet so many of our neighbors are going hungry so that they can pay their utility bills and medical care? In thinking about this situation I have come up with a catchy quip, and it’s this: “The Three A’s of Hunger: Access, Availability, and Attitude.” In my personal experience, a lot of the issues that our friends and loved ones face in terms of food security can be boiled down to these three areas. So, I would like to take a few moments and explore these with you, so that some light can be shed on what might be going on, as to why so many people are going hungry in our world.

          The first A is access. Now, I realize that all three of these are interconnected, which makes talking about food insecurity such a difficult thing. So, please, bear with me and I will do my best to pull them apart—if only just enough—to highlight some of the issues people are facing. When I say access, I am referring to the ability to gain access to the assistance to overcome hunger. The knowledge required to ask for help. In our society we have established a beautiful system of gatekeepers and road blocks. And found in this system are a lot of intricacies, back doors, and dark alleys that make it really hard to know exactly where to turn for assistance. This is especially true for those who have never needed it. Just recently my parents came onto some more difficult times than they had ever faced before. My dad was laid off, my mom had to step-down from her position, and the financial situation was pretty bleak for the first time—in a very long time. The medical bills needed to be paid, and there wasn’t a lot of money coming in. So, when I talked to my mom about the situation, she made it clear that she had no idea how to even apply for assistance. She knew that you could get Medicaid and SNAP, however she had never had to apply before. I told her that she would probably qualify and assisted her with applying for both. However, it is very hard to imagine that this is a unique situation. Often times government assistance is like a proverbial bigfoot—everybody has heard about it, but nobody is sure it really exists. For those families that have “hit a rough patch” might not know what is available, who to turn to, or where to look for help. Another issue with access is the ability to acquire the assistance needed to get a leg up on the hunger situation. This gets realized when one visits food pantries and other assistance granting agencies. There are often times a lot of paperwork and information garnished in order to gain assistance. Without knowing the life situation of the people, this sort of information may be impossible to provide, which disallows them to gain access to the assistance. However, I realize that supplemental funds and goods are not infinite, when we create these hurdles/hoops to jump we are, potentially, perpetuating the issue we are trying to combat. Like I said, I understand the need for checks and balances, but it is this sort of gatekeeping that disallows people to overcome the hardships, temporary or otherwise, and keeps them in the cycle of hunger. Food is there, they just can’t get to it—it’s just out of reach.

          This ties nicely into the next A, which is availability. Like just discussed, there are government programs, food banks, pantries and other resources for people to gain access to food to feed their family. Naturally, when we need something for dinner we can go to a grocery store and get the items we require for the meal. However, what happens if you live in a food desert? What happens if you live in an area where the only place to get groceries is the Kwik Trip on the corner, or the corner liquor store that only sells snack cakes and chips? Chances are that’s where you go to get your groceries, what other choice is there? Now, I realize that I drove here, in my wife’s CRV. I drive a car to work, to the grocery store, and everywhere that I need to get. This is a non-issue for me and my wife. However, when I was in Milwaukee I rode the city bus to and from work 95% of the time. So, in order to make it to work on time I was subject to the will of the public transit system—they have a schedule and if your schedule doesn’t match it doesn’t matter. So, I decided to do a little experiment with the local MET system to see how easily I could get groceries if I had to rely on the city bus…. From my house, it would take approximately 30 minutes to get to one of the grocery stores nearby, this would require me to walk between 3 and 12 blocks in order to get on the bus. However, we have to keep in mind the schedule

·        Fixed route service hours:     Monday - Friday: 5:45AM - 6:15PM     Saturday: 7:15AM - 6:15PM

·        There is no bus service on New Year's Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day (July 4th), Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day, or Christmas Day.

To further complicate the situation, let’s say, like most people, I have a job too, which also requires me to utilize public transportation. How am I supposed to get the grocery store, from work, and home again during the time that the buses run? Granted, this is a bit of a worst case scenario, but I know people whose lives match this to the T. Plus, if you have never ridden on a city bus, it’s not as great as it might seem, especially if you have to carry a lot of stuff with you—like groceries. It was fine with just a back-pack, but anything more than that… not great. However, putting aside this scenario, we can refocus our lens to a different situation that also effects availability, which is the assistance that the school system provides. During the school year, the community schools here provide 2 meals: breakfast and lunch. What happens when summer arrives? Now you have 1-X number of kids home for breakfast and lunch, when you before those meals were available for them at school. This means that a family is now responsible to feed even more mouths than before, and if the food was sparse during the school year, chances are once summer comes the situation doesn’t get brighter. A silver lining here, though, is that often during the summer there are summer feeding sights, which provide some sort of lunch for youth under the age of 18. This can be a respite for families who struggle, but we could circle back to the first situation, where they would have to find a way to get there—therefore making the assistance no longer available.

          It is this cycle of access and availability where a lot of the struggle is found. Either they cannot traverse the network of assistance or it is not made available to them for a lot of different reasons. For the sake of time, I have only provided a couple scenarios—we could go for hours talking about how this plays out in the lives of people every day. There is, although, something a bit more problematic in our society, which brings us to the last A, which is attitude. In my experience there are 2 main attitudes that people can have: either positive or negative. When it comes to hunger both of these attitudes can actually become a detriment to overcoming the struggle for food. For instance, the positive attitude of pride can be a stumbling block for a lot of people. By this I mean, when people have the “I don’t need help… I can take care of my family… I can do it myself….” Sort of attitude it can blind them to the avenues of assistance available. Now, this is not to say that they are not fully capable of taking care of themselves, taking care of their family, but if they are unable to see where they are headed and the hands that are reaching out to help, they can get stuck. This is very much the mentality that I have inherited from my parents—we don’t ask for help, but gladly give a helping hand regardless of how dire our situation might be. I’ve seen this play out in the lives of several people I have worked with over the years—single moms working several jobs, both parents working all hours of the day to keep a roof and food, but to what end? They are working themselves ragged in order to provide for their families, but also running ragged the relationships they have that can provide some respite. There is help available… most of the time. On the flip side though, there are also those who have a negative attitude. This, from my experience, has often originated from those who don’t need help. Those of us who stand off to the side and look down our noses at those who utilize the assistance programs, pantries, shelters, and other helps available. We have created a negative stigma for those who cannot seem to lead a productive, fulfilled life of their own accord. It has become a demeaning thing to have to ask for help; and if the person is proud in the first place this makes it nearly impossible for them to reach out. This is where my heart breaks a lot, because I know how hard some people work for their families—their kids come first and it shows in their lives, but they just can’t seem to get ahead. Then to have people stand there and judge them for utilizing the SNAP program or WIC or a pantry, just deflates them even more. Instead of being a helping hand, our attitudes toward those who need assistance and take it has perpetuated the “us vs. them” social structure that we should be working to dismantle.

          All of that, which is to say that there is still hope for our city, state, country and world. I believe that there are things that we can all do in order to help put an end to the hunger injustices that our friends, neighbors and loved ones face, which is really why I am here. I had to drag you through the muck and the mire so that we can come out the other side and see the light—together. Like I mentioned at the beginning our time here I was invited here because of my work at setting up a Little Free Pantry at my church. This is one of the many things that we can do as a city to help fight hunger. For those of you who are unfamiliar, the Little Free Pantry movement is kin to the Little Free Library movement. It was started by a pastor in Arkansas, and has since spread nationwide. The idea is the same as the library, it is a place of free exchange of food items—people place items in the pantry and people take items out. There are no questions ask, no forms to fill out, and no attitudes allowed.

          Our pantry was officially installed on May 28, 2017, and has been filled and emptied more times than I can count. I have no idea who has taken from the pantry, and I have very few ideas about who has replenished it. I have reached out via social media over and over again letting people know that it’s there, it’s empty, and it’s been filled again. Over and over again. It fills up, people take things, and people put things back. It is a sustainable way for a community to assist itself, which is the message that I feel has been lacking in our assistance of people. Instead of government programs, church programs, and other social outreach programs, our pantry is neighbors helping neighbors. People, helping people. Fortunately, ours is not the only pantry in Waterloo. In fact there are 4-5 others placed around the city, doing the same thing in their respective neighborhoods. People are hungry and we are stepping up to fill gaps. Like alluded to before, there are lots of places for gaps to form: issues with access, availability and attitude are the umbrellas. With a Little Free Pantry, we don’t ask questions, and we don’t set limitations as to who can borrow from our pantry. So, you can have a proud parent who works 2 jobs to provide for their family take a few boxes of mac and cheese for a couple lunches. Or, somebody who is waiting for the disability to come through, and just needs a little bit to make it through—which was made known to me through a thank-you note that was left in our pantry. It allows for people who may not be willing to step foot into an office or a government building to take a little something to help. That’s the hope that I have for this city. Neighbors helping neighbors—communities coming together to take care of their own and, really, working to be an example for others.

          Our Savior’s Lutheran Church has taken a stand against hunger in our neighborhood. The Cedar Valley Pantries has done the same thing for other areas of Waterloo (and they’re working on Cedar Falls too). Our hope is that it continues to spread, with the ultimate goal of people not being hungry any more. It is a lot bigger than just having enough food, as we have kind of explored in our time together. There are no easy answers, no easy fixes, but if we put our heads together and keep pushing forward I feel as if we can eventually figure this out. I want to believe that, and will hold that truth in my heart until it stops being a problem. Children are the next generation, but they’re also our today, which means we need to be feeding them mind, body and soul so that they are prepared for what’s coming, for what’s here now. However, they cannot thrive if there is nothing to eat… Families can’t prosper if there’s no food in the coffer.

          One last thing… if you would like to spread the word about our pantry, I have business cards and post cards you can hand-out/hang-up/have. Also, if you have any questions, or want to talk I heard there is breakfast so I’ll be sure to stick around for that, because nobody likes to be hungry. Thank-you very much!

A Fire of Hope: Let it Burn as Bright as the Sun!

Hey there. If you're joining me from the Pastor's Husband blog, welcome, if not welcome anyway. For those of you who have been around, but not with it, I've been writing another blog chronicling my journey toward becoming a pastor's husband--since there aren't a lot of resources available or stories abound about what it looks like to be called into such a position. However, this blog is not about that, if you want to read about that journey, you can find those posts at: http://apastorshusband.blogspot.com/ Feel free to share it out, read it, comment, and all of those wonderful things.

This is about something real.
This is about something sad.
This is about a city that is killing itself from the inside out.

I don't know if you have all been made aware of last's nights happenings, but Milwaukee was the sight of, what most would consider, some race riots. There were cars set on fire, an auto parts store set on fire, a bank set on fire, a man of color was shot and killed (again) by the police, cars were wrecked, and the neighborhood was trashed.

I saw the news this morning, in my Facebook feed as my friends and church family were posting news articles, videos, and other responses to the incident. I had no idea...

I realize that I've been out of Milwaukee for nearly 5 years now. I realize that my ties to the city are slowly lapsing into distant memories. I realize that I'm a white person who is protected from having to worry about the state of the city.

I still hurt.
I still worry.
I still weep.
I still love.

My time in Milwaukee was spent mostly in the "heart of the hood." It was considered, then and now, one of the roughest/toughest/hardest neighborhoods in the city.

Is it true? Maybe.

What makes a neighborhood rough, tough or hard?

Could it be the lack of resources available?
Could it be the lack of gainful employment opportunities?
Could it be the lack of wide spread community supports?
Could it be the lack of love?
Could it be the lack of appreciation?
Could it be the lack of.... you finish the sentence and the answer remains the same. Yes!

It is a lack of something that makes these neighborhoods rough, tough and hard. The people who live there are doing their best to survive and what do they get in return? A lot of nothing, really. They get their food from the corner liquor store because it's the closest place, they cash their checks at the corner money exchange depots. They walk the streets picking up cans to sell the aluminum because they can't get any other jobs--they went to jail for this, that or the next thing and nobody will hire them now.

They pick up cans to support their families. They turn to the streets, who offer them open arms, love, guns and drugs. They go where they can be supported, find the funds to support the ones they love, they go where they can to get what the need. Not unlike me. It's just that it seems much easier for me to find the love and support that I need in order to make a life for myself than my friends and family are experiencing in Milwaukee. Why is that?

Now, I know this is a touchy subject. There is a right and wrong way to be a supporter of any movement, or whatever you might be thinking this is. I know that there are things, out of my control, that allow me to walk freely through places, to ask and receive help, and it's mostly the color of my skin. Yes, I get funny looks when I walk around people with my short sleeves and shorts--but that's tattoos not skin color discrimination. My tattoos set me a part from my non-modified white brothers and sisters, but when I lace up my teacher clothes, you'd be hard pressed to pick me out of a tattooed line up--you can't tell. So, it remains a skin issue. My is the right shade, whereas my brothers of sisters of color do not stand the same chances that I do--it kills me!

My wife and I have had plenty of conversations about such things, but since both of us are white it doesn't really amount to much. We've been through anti-racism training, we have seen the effects of institutionalized racism, we benefit from the effects of institutionalized racism, but that's where it stops. Where do I go? What do I do? What can I do? How do I continue this conversation with my white brothers and sisters?

I honestly don't know. I hesitate to say anything for the fear of social backlash, but it has come to the point where I feel like I needed to say something. So, I did. I have no inclination that this will lead to anything, but it's out there now--on the internet, which means it will be there forever. That's the magic of the internet!

In other news. It is my hope that my wife and I will be able to be more productive in the push to remedy the systems we belong to, once we start the next phase of our lives. My wife is on the verge of stepping into her own pulpit, and I will begin working in a new school district here shortly (fingers crossed). As a pastor and a teacher in a city that has had it's share of trouble, with it's own problems, it is my hope that we will be able to light a fire of hope that spreads throughout the city.

That's all we need really are beacons of hope to spring up all over the cities, towns, villages and world. People need to know that there are people out there, still, who care for them. There are refuges that can be sought out for resources of all kinds. There are lights that are burning on the hilltop, not covered by a bushel, beckoning the people home. I have listed a few of the lights that I know shine bright for all of those in need below... these organizations, places, and people are all certifiable in the eyes of God. From pastors, lay people, churches, gardens, outreach communities and more. There are people out there who are fighting the good fight along side those who hurt and hunger. I want to be in that number; I want to be a part of the light that brings solace to the people who need it, and be there for those who don't know they need it yet.

It could be as simple as holding up a sign along side the road merely reminding people to smile, like my friend Josh Coburn did this weekend. Or creating an organization called Shower to the People! It doesn't really matter what it is you choose to do as long as your being a beacon of hope for those who may have lost it along the way.

There isn't a day goes by that I don't think back over what might have happened if I didn't walk away from All People's when I did. I saw a lot of growth, I experienced a lot of hurt, and I was known in the neighborhood as the "All Peoples guy," which still means a lot to me. I was recognized on the bus a couple of times, I was greeted as I walked to and from the city bus stop, I made a difference in the people's lives just by being there to pick them up in the van on a Wednesday night. That was my part of the light--a consistent presence, and they remember that. When I have been back to visit people remember me and get excited to see my face again. So, really, we have no idea how much a smile, a shower, even a book can mean in the lives of the people in our communities. We can be the difference we want to see in the world, merely by offering a smile; a listening ear; a word of prayer; a moment of support!

As a teacher I get to live this out every day, whether the students know it or not. However, there is a deeper stirring in my soul. A deeper urge to do something more than be a teacher. Yes, I want to be a teacher, but I want to do something else--something different as well. I want to be a beacon of hope in the city, for the city. I want to do a van ministry again. I miss that. I miss driving around, picking people up to take them to church; taking them to concerts; giving tours of the city; going to the pizza joint and movies. I want to do that again...

Here's that list:
The Body & Soul Healing Center
Alice's Garden
All Peoples Church
Central City Churches Outreach
Spirit of Peach Lutheran Church
Trinity Lutheran Church
G-Bull Ministries Facebook
St. Vincent De Paul Society

I realize that this is an abrupt ending, but so goes life. It begins and ends in a flash, but the question remains: what are you going to do with the time you're given? As for me and my house, we're going to shine a light into the world and hope to do some good. What about you?

In the final words, I want to share a song with you. It has served me well, and I hope that you can find some solace in it as well.

The song is called, oddly enough, 'Hope.' It is performed by a band called Hands. It tells a story that I feel we can all relate to. It goes something like this:

All my life I've been searching
Face by Face and Day by Day
I've walked a hundred shorelines
But all my footsteps
Have been taken by the waves

I've trusted, and I've loved
I've reached out time and time again
I've lied and I've betrayed
I've whispered evil things to the wind

Everything I've seen or felt or heard
Has left me with no purpose or meaning or reason
But if I were to curse God and die
That would be the ultimate treason

Though I feel so dead
Even Though I'm Alive
It's the things that I have done
That I could never deny

I met a man the other day
As he pulled me aside
He told me slowly
With a fire burning in his eyes

I know who you are
I know where you've been
I've walked the same shorelines
I've felt the same winds

I've lied and betrayed
And I've said evil things
I've put my trust in the world
And I know what it brings

I remember my wife
And the love that we've shared
And the smile on her face
And the smell of her hair

On the day that we met
I was dead inside
But then she spoke these words
Fire burning in her eyes

"The Lord knows who you are
And he knows where you've been
He keeps an eye on the shores
And His ears to the wind"

When you make your bed in pit of hell
He'll stay by your side and he'll love you still
Well it's been five years that she's been gone
I've given you her words that you might carry them on
This is Love! This is Love! THIS IS LOVE! THIS IS LOVE! THIS IS LOVE!

If you want to listen to it, you can go to here: "Hope" by Hands from the Sounds of the Earth EP

Thanks,
Andy J. Graves 

Lesson 1: Speak Truth with Love (Pastor's Husband)

Lesson 1: Communication is key!
Objective: Communicate better.

Learning Targets

1. Open mouth
2. Say words; mean them
3. Speak truth
4. Speak love
5. Listen; Respond; Ask
6. Wait
7. Repeat

Like I said in the previous post, eventually these will be in their own blog. However, I have to come up with a good name for it so that it can be a worthwhile project. So, until then, they will get lost in the mess that is the G-Bull Blog. Oh well!


This installment comes to you from a place of reflection, regret, and anger. It isn't necessarily connected to the idea of being a pastor's husband, but it happened and I'm becoming a Pastor's husband, so I figured what better place to put this than here, right? I don't know. I just needed to write something and it's been on my mind since yesterday so I figured I would tie it all together in a nice little package for somebody to possibly read.

I ran away from home yesterday.

No, I didn't back my bag and disappear to the end of the drive way for 10 minutes.
No, I didn't become a homeless vagabond riding trains across the country.
No, I didn't stay gone forever.

My wife and I got into a verbal altercation and I left the house.
I grabbed my keys; I got into my car; I drove away.
I ran away from home; I ran away from the fight; I ran away from my wife.

This is what I do when things get tricky. I get mad, I yell, I curse, and I leave. Eventually I come back and things get smoothed over, but the question remains what is going on that such things can happen. Why does the smoothing out not relinquish the boiling under the surface? I don't know. It never feels like anything is ever settled; we play nice, apologize and seemingly move on, but everything is just on the surface. Where is the digging? Where is the need for resolution, real resolution? I don't think there is any--not yet anyway.

I realize that writing this out, before actually talking to my wife about this may seem backward to most people. [No, we haven't talked about anything yet.] However, it allows me to pull way the emotion, the raw feeling of the situation, and take a closer look at the meat of the issue. However, I also feel like there is a lesson to be learned here, which is where I really want to go and focus most of our time. The story will probably come out in the paragraphs that come, but I really want to focus on the lesson I am beginning to learn, and here it is: Communication is Key!

Today's lesson then, is brought to us by our friends at "Talking Works!"

To be honest, I don't really know what brought about the yelling yesterday. I was sitting on the love seat, and we were talking about getting stuff done, which has been an ongoing--albeit one-sided--conversation for a while now. Then, I got really mad, started yelling, and left the house. Granted, there was more to it than that, but this will do for now... You see, the issue I feel we are having is not having figured out how to live with each other yet; which means we haven't talked about anything in a meaningful way.

Had we sat down and really talked about what it means to be under the same roof, sharing responsibilities, taking care of each other than our selves, things could be different. There are always assumptions made about the other people: priorities, coping strategies, time lines, operations, systems. There is so much that goes into conducting a meaningful relationship that gets swept up into assumptions about what is important. This issue, then, is compounded toward difficult when facing a series of transitional phases: getting married, moving in together, working, getting a new job, packing, moving, garage sale preparations, family reunions, marriage invites, event invites, all the while still trying to build a life together.

There is no excuse. We just drop the ball on a regular basis.

I talk all the time without saying anything.
She doesn't talk that much, which is the same as not saying anything.

We sit on the couches recounting the days events: How was your day?
We eat dinner and talk about nonsensical things that got brought up in class today.
We go to bed without saying much of anything.
We reflect on the fact that we still don't have any more information about the next phase of life.
We do a lot of talking around things without really connecting in a meaningful level.

We talk around things, rather than about things.

 Yesterday was no different. I was talking around a lot of things:

• I don't know what her priorities are
• I don't know how she copes with life
• I don't know what she expects of me
• I don't know...

Instead of asking questions, I make assumptions and accusations. "You're not like me" becomes my battle cry and the attack is on. "Be like me" becomes my mantra.

I hate to tell you, but my wife is not like me and that's a good thing. However, I haven't taken the time to figure out just what that means. I know she's different, but how? why? where? when? There is a lot of pertinent information that's missing from my picture of her, which means we can't paint a picture of us--we can't be an us without everybody being adequately portrayed in the image.

Her spot is blank.
She isn't in the picture.
It's all me; all the time.

How can I fully support her in her vocational call of being a pastor if I can't talk to her, if I don't know what she needs from me now? We are transitioning into the ministry together, but we have to figure out life together first; we have to talk about things!

So, there is more to this than I am letting on, but for the time being this will have to suffice. We have to communicate with our partners, otherwise we'll never truly progress to the lives we are capable of having together. Yes, it's hard to know just what to say, but if you don't try you'll never become better. Practice. Practice. Practice.

Tip: Write things down!

 One of the reasons I like writing things so much is because it allows for a free association of thought. The words flow from my brain, through my fingers, and onto the page (electronic or otherwise). When trying to communicate with others, I feel that it is easier to write things down, because there is less social pressure. You're not looking into their eyes, while you try to formulate your thoughts. However, once you get your thoughts down on paper, your task is only half complete. You still need to share them with the other person involved with the situation. How do you do this? Read it out loud! More often than now, your thoughts on paper will provide a foundation for conversation, and you'll have bought yourself some time to formulate new thoughts. It will provide the other with a means of hearing what was on your mind without allowing them to "jump down your throat" before getting your complete thought out.

In today's fast paced world, we have lost the art of listening, as well. So, slow down and really take in what the other people are saying. Ask questions. Respond with your own thoughts. Always easier said than done, but again, it takes practice. We will not learn to be good communicators over night, but we'll never be anything if we don't try.

I know there is more I could say, but I always feel as if saying too much bogs down the process. I need to be more succinct, but that's another day. Hopefully if you made it this far you've found something worthwhile in my words. If not, sorry you wasted your time. I can't promise that I'm going to get better at this, but I'm going to try. That's all we can really do, and until we start really trying to change the way we do life; we can only blame ourselves for the way it turns out.

We need to learn to speak truth with love: love for ourselves; love for others; and love for the world! When we can do that, the world will truly become a better place!

"First Husband" of the Church Year!

For many years now I have toyed with the idea of writing a book. I helped "self-publish" a science tome for my master's program (I doubt it was every actually published, since I gave it my my professor to finish up); however I've also struggled with my ability to sit down and consistently write anything. There have been many attempts to write a variety of blogs: a list-o-mania blog, a year of awesome blog, a series of poems in a notebook, a weekly challenge to write anything at all.

Needless to say none of these has really manifested any sort of success. Why?

I don't believe in myself as a writer, as a hobbyist, or even as an intellectual. I have so many thoughts and conversations with my wife throughout the course of a week, there is plenty of material available for me to write page after page of blog each week. However, whenever I make an attempt at setting myself up for such a project, it never pans out; then I get upset at myself when I remember that I was supposed to working on said project, but haven't gotten anything done for it in over a month. So, what's the point? Why am I putting this piece up on the G-Bull blog? Where is this going?

To be honest, it will probably end up in the same places that all of my other ideas, thoughts, projects and such have ended up--nowhere. It's much bigger this time though; there is more at stake than merely writing some random blog posts about random happenings. I have said similar things before, especially when I was preparing to do the letter writing campaign, and The August Collection. Both of those projects were much larger than myself: with the letters, they were sent out to 30 different people, hand written, and touched the lives of those who got them; The August Collection was a writing exercise that tapped the creative minds of people and I wrote every day for the month, giving credit back to the creative minds that pushed me to get it done. How does it get bigger than that? What could I possibly be talking about?

Well, here comes the Jesus sauce. Not for me to drink, nor for you to drink unless you want, but nonetheless what is about to happen can be traced back to the Jesus regardless if you drink the kool-aid or not. Here's what I'm talking about:

As some of you may know, I got married in January, and my wife is on the verge of becoming a rostered leader in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA)--basically she's becoming a female pastor. Now, I know there are plenty of denominations, religious sects, and people in general who do not feel as if this is the good and proper place for a female in the church, but this is not about that. This is about me. My story. My position in the world that I have signed up to be a part of. You're probably confused as to what I'm talking about so, let me lay it out for you! I'm really just dragging this out to pump out more words of written work, since I've not done so in quite a while!

Here's the situation. Historically men were pastors and the wives of these men were labeled "First Ladies." They were the second in command for a lot of the churches regardless of their interest or abilities in the world of running/conducting church business. Often times the congregation looked to the first lady as a second pastor, even if they did not feel as if a woman should be in a position of power within the church: they were supposed to know everything about the church, all of the happenings of the church, schedule everything, hold the pastor accountable, and basically run the show from a position of no power in the church. You see, though, the ELCA is one of those groups who feels as if women are fully capable and called by God to serve as leaders in the church. So, the question becomes what happens when a woman is elevated to pastor, but she subsequently has a husband who is not a part of the church? What becomes of the "First Husband," if you will?

This is where my search has began. As my wife progresses toward fulfilling her call as a pastor, where does that leave me? Yes, I have my calling to fulfill as an elementary school teacher, possibly a writer, maybe a poet, and whatever else I might find to fill my time. But regardless of how I fill my time, my wife will still be the leader of a church, which is an organic, needy and always watchful organism that has the tendency to envelop entire families. Just like when the "first ladies" of the church get wrapped into the daily affairs of the church, so too can the "first husbands," right? Will the little church ladies expect the strong husband to fix things around the church? Will they look to the husband to quell the power of his wife in the church? What does it look like to be the husband of a pastor in the ELCA? These are the questions that are stuck in my head. This is where I want to jump into the depths of research and experience in order to figure out what I might be getting myself into.

I went to the internet to try to find out what others have experienced, but found very little. It's mostly blogs and articles about how to keep your wife in check, and the role of women in the church. There were a few articles that sought the insights of husbands of female pastors who were in church leadership themselves. This doesn't work for me. My wife is going to fulfill her call to the best of her ability, as will I. However, I have no interest in being a leader in the church--at least not at this point. So, what about those of us who are called to minister to those outside of the church, without explicitly invoking the word of God? What are the boundaries that need to solidified in order to uphold the sanctity of the relationship that my wife and I are trying to foster?

Nobody has written a manual on how to be a good husband to a female pastor, or a male pastor as the case may be. I cannot speak to the husbands of same-sex marriages within the world of church leadership, but we have to start somewhere. The conversation has started; the questions are being brought forth, and the lack of information is troubling.

I have wanted to undertake a more academic project, and this might be it. There are several different areas of interest that could be helpful in answering these questions:

• Church centered gender roles
• Socially accepted gender roles
• Interviewing/researching the lives of ministry couples
• First hand personal experience
• Ongoing conversations with those in church leadership

I'm sure there are others, but this is the most writing I have done in a very long time; so needless to say my brain is a little fatigued. It's all in the hope that I will be able to make something of this new project. The next posts pertaining to this will probably be under a new blog title, but for now here is as good a place as any.

If you have any thoughts, comments, concerns or questions let me know. You can comment here, find me on facebook, or e-mail. We are all on this journey together, so let's make the most of it. Who knows, I might even write a book before it's all said and done. Nobody really knows where we will end up, so might as well set some goals and try to get some work done before the time runs out.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

-Andy J. Graves

My Favorite Battle Axe!

Two days ago, on Tuesday night, my friends and I put together a creative showcase we have called "Inspired by True Events." I don't want to get into the details of it right now, because that's not the point of this post. The point of this post is to share one of the pieces I constructed for that evening. Here's what happened:

My friend River came at me with the proposition of doing another show, with about a week's notice. Now, normally I would be super excited about the prospect of doing something, because I don't typically do much. However, this time I was a little worried--I hadn't written anything new in a long time, and I didn't want to re-hash the same old pieces, even though some of them have only been read once. Thus, I took it upon myself to write a new set within the confines of the week. Needless to say, I did it. I managed to write 10 new pieces in 7 days; read one that I had previously read; recited a piece that I had written in my head over the course of the last month or so; AND free styled one about sumo wrestlers and giant pick up sticks! Of course most of you missed it, but out of the struggle to write new pieces came one that was inspired by the inspiriation I get from a passage in the book of Jeremiah (the 51st chapter). It goes something like this:

²⁰ You are my war club, my weapon of battle:
with you I smash nations;
    with you I destroy kingdoms;
²¹ with you I smash the horse and its rider;
    with you I smash the chariot and the charioteer;
²² with you I smash man and woman;
    with you I smash the old man and the boy;
with you I smash the young man and the girl;
²³     with you I smash shepherds and their flocks;
with you I smash farmers and their teams;
    with you I smash governors and deputies.

From this I derived this piece, entitled "My Favorite Battle Axe," enjoy:

According to the Bible, I am God's battle ax, God's weapon of war. With me, God is going to do any number of horrible things, it says it right there in plain English:

You are my battle ax, my weapon of war:

with you I smash nations; with you I destroy kingdoms;

with you I smash the horse and its rider;

with you I smash the chariot and the charioteer;

with you I smash man and woman;

with you I smash the old man and the boy;

with you I smash the young man and the girl;

with you I smash the shepherds and their flocks;

with you I smash farmers and their teams;

with you I smash governors and deputies.

Now, this is all well and good, but I'd rather not be the divine bitch of a blood thirsty deity. I like the idea of being a battle ax, or even a weapon of war of some sort (perhaps a war-hammer or a crow's beak), but I'd rather my actions be dictated out of love rather than wrath.

Instead of smashing things, why not build things?

Instead of destroying things, why not create things?

Instead of inciting riot against people, why not incite love for our neighbors?

So often, when the tough, the rough and the all together hard rears its head, the smart thing isn't always the right thing—even if you're god.

Running, hiding and all the other things people do in hard times may be the smart thing: nobody wants to get hurt, be challenged or die, but what does running do?

Sure you will live, for a while, but eventually you will grow tired and weary. The difficult will eventually find you and make you its bitch: bend you over and give you at lease nine kinds of hell, more if you're worth it!

Sure, if you battle through it, you might die! We all die eventually, regardless if we cower in fear or not. Death is inevitable, but how you get there is up to you: do you avoid life and die as a coward, or do you wield you battle ax and depart this world a warrior?

The choice is yours...

Do you smash things with a vengeful wrath, or do you wield your weapon of war and fight for the hard things, the right things, the beautiful things?

My favorite battle ax, is the one wielded with love, not wrath!

Which one is yours?

~Thank-you!~

Mixed fabrics can take you to the promised land (All Peoples Church Repost)!

This was sent out as the All Peoples newsletter a while ago, and I just got around to reading it. It speaks to the soul of the person, rather than lingering on the exterior appearances! This sits well with me, considering the various colors that adorn my flesh!

Here are the words of Pastor Steve Jerbi of All Peoples Church (Milwaukee, Wi):

The Bible has a lot to say about clothes. It may not sound like reality tv advice or the internet reaction to Abercrombie, but it has surprising depth on the topic.

"You shall not wear cloth of wool and linen mixed together." (Duet 22:11) 

"I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." (Is 61:10) 

"Forty years you sustained them in the wilderness, and they lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell." (Neh 9:21) 

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." (MT 6:25-34)

And these are just a few of the passages. Why so much about clothes? I think an illustration about All Peoples helps shed some light on the subject.

On Sunday mornings all around our neighborhood there are folks heading into churches. From storefronts to 100 year old sanctuaries to brand new buildings, from every theology and background people gather for worship. And most of these congregations people are dressed to the nines. Men in fine suits, women in fancy dresses, the children in dress shoes that pinch their toes. Folks are literally wearing their Sunday Best. There is good reason for this. Church was a place to bring your best before God. Sunday go-to-meeting clothes weren't worn to the factories or the fields, they were reserved for the day of praise. For the African-American church this was not simply an act of devotion is was also subversive to a dominant culture of oppression. In the context of European colonialism, the black body was seen as ugly; to honor the body with the finest clothes was a rejection of that idea. (There is a great article on this found here)

In the midst of this honorable tradition comes a corruption of that ideal - don't come to church if you aren't dressed for it. I've heard from so many of our members one of the things they love about All Peoples is that they can "come as they are." Folks have felt rejected from other churches because they didn't dress the right way - sometimes by the words spoken, often through the silent looks given. One of the folks newer to our community said, "If I don't have the strength to put myself together all fancy, that doesn't keep me from coming to church." For folks looking from a sanctuary from the struggle, they've found a place where they can come and be embraced.

Clothing conveys a powerful message. To some a fine outfit is an offering to God. To another it can be felt as a barrier. Still others might see it as hypocrisy - like whitewashed tombs. And others see it as a way for disenfranchised folks to claim power. And all of this is true at the same time.  On Sunday morning I look out and see folks dressed up and showin out. I see folks in biz caz. We've got folks that come in hoodies and people wearing the only clothes they own. My hope is that as a community we can welcome and claim all of these individuals and experiences as part of us.

Because in the end, no matter what we show up wearing to church, we have gathered for one purpose - to be clothed in Christ. "To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." (Ephesians 4:22-24) It is not what we are wearing that determines our place in the kingdom or our welcome in the congregation. It is as we are clothed in righteousness, in what God has given us through Christ. We are no longer simply ourselves, but born again with Christ living in and through us. 

At All Peoples we don't care what you wear, because here we put on Christ

 

God bless you all, always!

-Andy J. Graves

Pipe Dreams; Failed Dreams!

I realize that there aren't a lot of people who read these posts, which is not why I put them up. I put them up as a spiritual practice (even though I'm not very good at them). I like writing; I like sharing ideas; I like touching the lives of those who don't allow me to know that it happened... it's real for somebody, if not for myself!

Nonetheless, I wanted to take this moment to write some things, share some things, that have come up recently (as in the past 12 hours).

I drove from Des Moines, Iowa to Denver, Colorado yesterday. I spent some time with my friends, had dinner, conversed about life, and had a good time. We went to bed and tried to rest, which takes us to this morning.

I woke up, got ready for the day: breakfast, shower, cleaned up, packed up, and stepped out the front door.

I started my car and we were off towards Chino, California.

The mountains were pretty. The climbs were torture on my car and myself. The weather was variable. It was an intense start to the next leg of my journey... then it hit me.

I was overcome by this intense emotional surge (I got really sad, teared up a little bit, and was yelling at God). This lasted for perhaps a minute, and subsided. I decided that it was probably best to take a minute to collect my thoughts and see what's going on. So, I pulled off the interstate to some state sanctioned nature area, and parked my car.

I got out. Took some pictures. Took some breaths. Decided it was best to turn around.

I wasn't prepared to make the 14.5 hour trek from Denver to Chino, nor the return trip. Needless to say, my friends in Denver were ready to accept me back and give me a place to stay for a little while longer. Plus, my mom was relieved that I had changed my mind as well (I called her at work, after not being able to get a hold of my dad at home [probably sleeping]).

Once I returned to my friends' abode, I decided it would be a good idea to get out and take some pictures for those who are stuck at work. I felt relaxed and at ease with my decision to return rather than make a long trip. I also decided it was best to check on the hotel stuff, since I was not going to be making the trip after all.

So, I called the motel 6 in Chino to see about canceling my reservation, but I found out that it wasn't in the computer--at least that the guy on the phone could find! Anyway...

There is a part of me that is a little disappointed that I didn't make it the trip all the way, however as I was walking around I realized that driving is not my means of communing with God, which was the original thought leading me to want to go on such a long trip.

You see my thought was that in driving such a long trip would allow me to clear my head, talk to God, find some clarity in life. WRONG!

Yes, it would have been the most epic trip I have ever made alone, but it's not the kind of trip that one makes a lone. I should have put more thought into the process of driving such long trips--and remembered that I hate driving long distances. Therefore, I am still in Denver, Colorado. Communing with God.

More to come... probably!

-Andy J. Graves